My tumblr-made Bellamione one shots
by PaperElf
Summary: Just some Bellamione one shots i gathered. I'll update every time i come up with a new small one. If you want any of them in a bigger work, just let me know! WARNING: SOME ONE SHOTS CONTAIN MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS, TRAUMA, ABUSE, SELF HARM E.T.C. I'LL WRITE WARNINGS FOR EACH STORY WITH SENSITIVE CONTENT ON TOP.
1. Foot rub

**Foot** **rub**

"My feet are killing me" whined Bellatrix laying on the couch, messing up the decorative pillows Hermione insisted they should have.

"Come on hun,stop whining" the younger witch said softly. "I'm tired too. It was a long day, wedding preparations are exausting after all." she added, laying next to her wife-to-be.

"Yeah, but you weren't in heels the whole time" she murmured, staring jealiously at Hermione's comfy booties while stretching her pained legs.

"Aww, baby, are you hurt?" the youngest witch said commpasionately. "Do you want a foot rub?"

"Noo,noo,forget it." Bella protested. "We both know what happens every single time you offer me a foot rub. I'm tired Mione, i really can't right now. I'm not your age." She brushed her off.

"Come on hun, don't act childishly." Hermione teased her."It won't happen this time. Come on, I'm not trying to seduce you. We will be married soon, we'll have all the time in the world at our honeymoon." she added with an innocent smile.

"Fiine" Bella groaned, while her wife happily took her seat at the end of the couch. "Oooh, you're good. That's...amazing actually. Oh Mione, how do you do this?" she wondered loudly,the pain in her legs long gone.

"Magic" she grinned, looking straight at Bella's eyes.

"Oh fuck this shit" Bellatrix exclaimed, pulling her partner on top of her. Hermione giggled' mission accomplished.


	2. A walk in the park

**A walk in the** **park**

 **WARNING: CONTAINS MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS AND** **TRAUMA**

A ray of sun lands on your head and illuminates your hair, making the lighter strands gold and the darker ones a warm chestnut. You smile affectionately when you see a little girl feeding the ducks standing in the centre of the bridge. Your laugh sounds like a familiar melody chasing my demons away. I can't believe you chose me to spend your life with. I can't believe I am that lucky.

A black dog comes nearby and you kneel down to pet it. I pull back' dogs scare me since I saw Sirius escape from Azcaban in dog form, especially big, dark ones. But once again you laugh and I feel less scared. You encourage me to come closer' I am shivering as the dog looks me in the eye but your loving gaze reminds me that it's ok to be scared, but wrong to let my fears, my past control me.

We are walking toward the exit when you stop walking and you look me in the eye. "It's not your fault you know." You say. "What happened to Sirius' you can't keep blaming yourself. You can't keep feeling guilty for everything that happened before and during the war. You couldn't control your actions with a million voices screaming inside your head."

I just nod' I'm afraid if I speak I will burst into tears in the middle of the path. Because I just can't understand how you can, day after day, speaking the simplest words, fix every little piece of mine that's broken. You'll hear everybody say my life has always been so hard' then why is it that, whenever I'm with you, it feels like a walk in the park?


	3. In Bella's head

**In Bella's** **head**

 **WARNING: CONTAINS MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS**

"Hermione, hun. I can tell you have something on your mind. Would you like to share?"

Bellatrix and Hermione were spending the afternoon in their front hard. Bella was sitting on a lawn chair while Hermione cuddled on her lap. The youngest looked at her partner with a frown, thinking.

"When you've been through Hell everywhere else looks like heaven." the youngest witch murmured. "You probably can't tell whether you like being with me." She added, noticing her partners confusion. "Of course it's the best situation you ever found yourself in: no abuse, no fear, no bowing down to leaders who nerver show you any respect. You are safe and guarded, you are calm and happy and you deserve it, you really do. But I sometimes wonder if you are staying for me... or for all of those things. Even if you do it subconsciously."

Bellla smiled, looking lovingly at her future wife's face. "Mione, you know I wasn't fazed by the insecurity, and the fear, and the submission. I could handle all those things and even more easily. Happiness, yeah. That's what I've always missed. And the outside world is not to blame. The problem has always been inside me, in my head. It never stops. It never goes away. And it hates any sense of peace. Every time I found peace in my life it would start screaming at me to mess things up, because I didn't deserved what I had or I deserved much more.

And then I met you. And I loved you Mione, like I've loved many. And you loved me back, like others have. And we ended up together and I was starting to feel happy again. And I waited. I waited for my mind to mess thinks up, like It always does.

And then that night came -you surely remeber- when I grabbed a knife and I cut your arm. But instead of leaving you kissed me and you held me in your arms because you knew how scared I was. And again I tried to hurt you. And again you stayed by me. And you patiently teached me to trust you and I slowly learned that I could. And I realised I didn't deserve anything more or anything less than this. Than you.

My mind never goes quiet Mione. I don't thing it ever will. But with you by my side that's ok. With you next to me I can handle even that."

Hermione looked at her in awe. "Bella..." She started.

"Yes hun?"

"I love you too."

She didn't need to say anything' Bella knew.


	4. Destiny

**Destiny**

 **WARNING: CONTAINS MENTIONS OF ABUSE**

Hermione ducked to avoid one more curse Bellatrix had thrown her way.

"Crucio! Crucio! Stand fucking still!" the oldest witch sreamed, as she casted one spell after another.

"So you can curse me to death?" her girlfriend answered, in a horrified tone. "Stop Bella, stop it!" she yelled, hoping to be heard in the midst of the curse-casting.

Bellatrix let out an twisted, wicked laugh. "You can't run from me dear! I will catch you! And I will torture you! And I will kill you!" she sang, her voice raising, completely out of control, matching her attitude. "Avada... Crucio!" she corrected, aiming for the muggle born... and finally hitting her.

Hermione left out a screech as she fell, writhing in pain. Bella looked at her for several agonising moments, unable to move, shoked by the result of her own words. She almost had killed her. So close... and Hermione, her beautiful Mione, her guardian angel, her love... could have been dead.

She just stood there and stared until Hermione felt well enough to raise her head and look back at her eyes.

"Mione...I am so sorry! I...I don't know what came over me! Hermione... it won't happen again! That wasn't me. I.. I am so sorry. Please. Please forgive me. I'll do anything. Mione... Please..." her voice fainted as the young woman looked at her, saying nothing.

"I... I have to leave." Hermione murmured.

"What? Mione what are you..."

"I'm leaving Bella. I'm leaving you. I just... I thought I could do it but a can't." a crack in Hermione's voice revealed the had reached her limit.

"Mione you can't.. Mione!" Bella kept yelling, even though in vain' the girl had alraedy started packing, not using magic due to her panic. Finally Bella left, sat in the couch and waited for her to leave.

It was too good to be true, she knew it from the very start. It was her life after all' happiness was just not an option. This state of misery she was finding herself in was her natural state. It was her destiny.

Hermione returned to the living room, her backpack filled with a few necessary items. She looked at Bella as if she expected a goodbuy' but the older witch couldn't bring herself to give her one.

"Please...Please...don't give up on me." She begged in a way she had never before, surprising even herself.

Unexpectedly Hermione dropped her bag and wrapped her arms around her.

"I can't. I can't leave. How could I ever? You are my destiny."


	5. Bella's plan

**Bella's plan**

 **WARNING: CONTAINS MENTIONS OF MENTAL** **ILLNESS**

Harry and Ron were sitting in the Burrow, drinking Butterbeer, when Hermione stormed in.

"Anything a bit stronger?" she asked, a defeated look on her face.

"What's up Mione?" Ron asked, his face stuffed with the apple pie Molly had baked earlier in the day. "That crazy bitch again?" he added, referring to Bellatrix.

"Ron!" Harry said, not looking as offended as he sounded. "What's wrong Mione?"

"I can tell she's up to something. The last few days she has been really secretive and she jumps up every now and then. She has locked her nightstand and won't let me see what's in it. And when I ask he's if somethings wrong she keeps telling me it's nothing. I don't know... I am scared."

"That doesn't sound good." Harry murmured with a troubled look on his face. "You should confront her Mione' you should pressure her, go through her stuff if you need to."

"Or give her Verritaseum. I must be able to find you some if you don't wanna make it yourself." Ron offered with a slightly satisfied tone of voice, always bitter towards the Death Eater who stole the girl he always considered his.

"I don't know." Hermione sighed. "Things have been going so well lately... I just really don't want to mess it up. It could be nothing!"

"Come on Mione you weren't like that!" Ron bursted. "What happened to the 'safety above everything' rule, to the guarded attitude? The Hermione I knew would never trust anyone in that attitude, let alone Bellatrix Lestrange! I don't even know why you trusted her in the first place!"

Hermione stood up, her face lightened up with anger. "First of all Ron its Bellatrix Black because she divorced her deadbeat husband and is now my girlfriend! And I trusted her because she was a desperate woman, who had undergone so much abuse her ability to tell between right and wrong got twisted and her mental health was shattered. And then she lost everything, her Lord and her position as his best lieteurand and her money and her pride, everything that was important to her, no matter how wrong they were. And, instead of giving up, she worked harder than I thought anyone ever could, she fought her mental problems and she tried to have a normal life in a society where no one trusted her and everyone hated her. She is a warrior, taught to fight on the wrong side since she was a child. She is a woman who never got to be a kid, a student, a lover because she was kept too busy being a 'pureblood', whatever that's supposed to mean. She is a good, an amazing person lost somewhere within traditions, pureblood ethics and Death Eater duties. She was sick, that's all. She had mental problems and she still has, but she is trying to get through life in the healthiest way possible. And I am so happy I trusted her, I believed her. Because, if I hadn't, I wouldn't have the chance to fall in love with her. And loving Bellatrix is the best thing that has happened to me. It gives my life meaning. It makes the struggles worth it."

Hermione run away just so she wouldn't see the boys' expressions. She was angry with Ron and sad that they wouldn't trust her. But, mostly, she feared the possibility they were right.

She finally got back home with a sigh of relief' no one followed her back there. She opened the door and walked trough the door, when she found a post it note that read "Meet me in the park across the corner" in her wife's beautiful handwriting.

"Finally" she thought relieved. "I finally might figure out what's with her secrecy of the last few days." She thought, her mind filled with possible explanations.

She finally arrived at the park ten minutes later. Bella was waiting for her, nervous and paler than usual.

"What's up hun?" Hermione asked, worried with the look on her girlfriend's face.

"I was searching for the best way to ask you for a few days. But I figured, since I am... the person I am and rather old to organise a big surprise, I chose the simplest one.

Hermione, I love you. I don't tell you as often as I should, but I really hope you know. You are the reason I'm still here and fighting. You are the light that guides me through the dark, the beauty in all the ugliness my life has been. I want to be yours, and I want to be yours forever.

So Mione, please. Will you be my wife?"

Hermione just stood there, her eyes full of tears. Bellatrix was planning this... She shouldn't have suspected her. All she wanted was her. Just her. Forever.

And Hermione knew for a while now that she wanted to be hers forever, in every way.

"Yes" she whispered, tearfully. "I would like to be your wife. For the rest of my life."

They kissed in the middle of the park. And they both knew: it felt right.


	6. Parts of you

**Parts of** **you**

 **WARNING: CONTAINS MENTIONS OF MENTAL** **ILLNESS**

Soft forehead kisses and cuddles when no one is watching us. I never knew how that felt before you came into my life.

When I was little I was dreaming of a knight in shining armour that would rescue me from everything I thought I couldn't rescue myself. The spinach and the carrots my mom would make me eat, all the kids teasing me at school because I was... weird and bookish and different. Hogwarts student telling on me because I was kida nerdy and followed the rules, let alone the muggleborn thing. The possibility of Voltemort returning, which would mean Harry would die and me and Ron would live a life in hiding and fear, at best.

I made it through all of those things though. I ate the vegelables, I rised above the mean kids, I helped Harry defeat Voldemort. I learned I was stronger than I thought i was. I learned that I could take care of myself and help others.

And then you came along. You were no knight. You were supposed to be my enemy. But you were so alone... And so broken. You laughed your infamous, insane laugh but I could see the fear in your eyes. You had lost everything and yet you were a queen' a whreched, mental, fallen angel. You were fighting for dignity Bella, as you had learned to do all of your life. You guarded yourself against anyone, thinking there was no one you could trust. You covered your wounds thinking they could never be healed.

And I fell in love with you. Completely out of reason. Randomly. I just... fell.

You couldn't save me Bella. From anything. Not at this state. So I decided to save you.

And I realised I couldn't as well. No one could. No one but you.

Honey, you saved yourself. And I am so grateful, and so happy you chose my to help. To stay by your side.

Black tangled hair and ruby red lips. Temper tantrums and tight corsets. Childish pouts and visits to Saint Mangos phyciatric ward. Healing potions and walks in the park early in the morning. The looks on other people's faces and chocolate muffins. Prejustises and trying your best every day. Parts of you. Parts I like and parts I don't. Parts that give me hope and others that make me sad. Parts I've grown to love, because they are yours.

I love you Bella. I always will. You are no knight.

You were supposed to be my enemy.

And yet you aren't.

You are my love. My everything. You saved me after all.

You saved me from a life without you.


	7. From the very start

**From the very start**

Bella was in the ministry, trying to arrange the acusations she was charged with.

Hermione was just starting to work in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, where she wanted to fight for house elf's rights.

They got in the same elevator by chance. None left. They were both too proud to show how much the war had hurt them, how much they have hurt each other. They just tried not to exchange any looks while the elevator started to move...

And then stopped.

They were trapped. Both of them. Together. The word "unbelievable" was the only thing on their minds.

For a couple minutes they stood there, in silence, hoping the elevator would start moving like magic. Nothing happened though, so Bellatrix, being the impatient one, spoke first.

"It's your fucking fault we're stuck here Mudblood."

"What?" Hermione reacted at the unexpected attack. "How is that my fault?"

"Maybe the elevator sensed your lack of magic, your dirty blood, and just refused to work while you were in it, as the wizarding world should have done ages now. And now I'm gonna be late... They are going to sentence me to a lifetime in Azcaban." she said in a steady voice with a hint of despair.

"Beacause of a slight delay? You could just explaine you were stuck in here!"

"Yeah, like they care." she rolled her eyes. "I will be blamed for the fact I was trapped here. They'll claim that I caused this to get them all riled up or, even worse, to kill you. Their little golden girl. And I know you won't die to defend me." she added, defeated.

"What? I..." she stared to reassure the oldest woman, but something inside her stopped her.

Would she defend Bellatrix?

She was almost sure the woman was inoccent for the elevator thing. She had no motive. She wouldn't put her freedom in risk for a stupid prank and she hasn't harmed her by now, meaning she probably wouldn't at all. But... would she say all of those things in front of a ministry employee? I mean, what if she was wrong and the former Death Eater reallly wanted to hurt her?

"Come on Hermione." a little voice echoed in her head. "You aren't really afraid of Bellatrix Lestrange. She looks harmless enough. You just want revenge. For Sirius, for Neville's parents, for Dobby. For everyone she has killed or torture, she and everyone who believed at her cause. And maybe you should. You have the chance to change the world for the better by sending her to jail till she dies and rotts. Maybe you should say nothing about how you believe she is innocent this time. Or even lie. She would do that for you. Everybody will believe your word against hers' she even said so. That could be your only chance."

As unexpectedly as it had stopped the elevator started again. The doors opened almost immediately at the Death Eater's floor, where three stern ministry workers waited for her.

"What happened in here miss Lestrange? Are you to blame for this mess? Oh hello there miss Granger. We are sorry for the inconvenience' the Ministry is just starting to work again after You-Know-Who's fall."

"Perhaps you saw something in regard of miss Lestrange's actions. Should we suspect her for the elevator's breaking down?" a second employee asked Hermione, clearly hoping to find some ground to blame the Death Eater.

Hermione looked at the older witch. She was staring at the floor, waiting for Hermione's false accusations. Her skin was paler than usual, the circles around her eyes darker. She was bitting her lower lip until she drawed blood. The dignity and power Hermione once saw in her, when they were both fighting at opposite sides of the war, had given their place to fear, defeat, sorrow.

And at this moment she realised she didn't hate her anymore. She just felt sorry.

"She has nothing to do with it." She found herself answer. "It just broke down and then started again. Bellatrix didn't show any aggression, she was rather irritated she wouldn't be on time. Please, don't blame her. It would be highly unfair on your side."

"Very well miss Grander, very well." the second man murmured, clearly dissatisfied with Hermione's response. "Well, miss Lestrange, follow us." he turned to Bellatrix, who was still looking at Hermione with a look of surprise on her face.

"It's miss Black, Mudblood. Not Bellatrix." She growled, sparing one last glance at the younger girl.

Hermione smiled. At least she didn't try to kill her this time.


	8. Chocolate and biscuit

**Chocolate and Biscuit**

 **WARNING: CONTAINS MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS AND SUICIDE**

"Bella? I'm home. Where are you?" Hermione shouted, looking around the living room for her girlfriend.

Hermione had already started her eighth year at Hogwarts. The workload was more than ever, leaving ever her barely keeping up, but at least she was allowed, along with everyone that had returned for their last year, to live outside of Hogwarts and transfer from and to the castle through floo powder. Most student stayed at the dorms, wanting to live, even a year later, the last year of their school experience, but Hermione happily took the first option. She felt like her days as a student were far behind her and, after all, she had to take care of her soon-to-be-wife, mental more than ever and heavily pregnand with Voldemort's kid. All these responsibilities, along with her effords to enlist Bellatrix's freedom -she was, for the time, under house arest- and arrange medical treatment for her phycological issues made her barely stand on her feet. But when the former Death Eater didn't answer the fourth time she called for her, she realised she had to put her exhaustion on the side.

She found Bellatrix in the closet, visibly frightened. It took her almost half an hour to calm her down and get her to explain.

"I thought my mark was... I thought He was calling me." She whispered, still shaking in her partner's arms.

"It's ok. He is gone. He can't hurt you now." Hermione wishpered, stroking her hair and caressing her huge baby bum.

She helped her down the kitchen, were she started making crepes' it was already morning, as she was studying in the common room until dawn. "Chocolate and biscuit darling?" she asked her, now much calmer, lover. "Of course. What else?" she replied, smiling for the first time that day. "You are such a sweet tooth." Hermione, who never was a huge fan of sugar herself, teased her. "That's why I picked you." Bella said, seemingly joking but, in reality, meaning every word.

The next day, when she started calling Bella and not receiving any kind of response, Hermione didn't worry. She didn't suspect that, when she'd proceeded to search for her through the house they just had started to share, she would find her with deep cuts on her arms, alongside with a note that read "I'm sorry". Just that, a simple apology. Bella had killed herself in an episode of madness, leaving her a simple note, an apology' but she took a long time to actually forgive her. She cursed her and accused her for leaving her every night for the years to come, before curling into a ball and crying, begging a god she didn't believe in to bring her beautiful partner back.

Thankfully little Delfy, Bella's child, was saved by Saint Mangos healers, who arrived almost the moment Hermione called them. She became the only light in the young witche's life, who used all her influence to keep and raise her. She was now the only valid reason Hermione had to wake up every day, to get out of bed and study and work and think and dream, the only thing that kept her from following Bella.

And the years passed, as they always do. And, one day, Delfy was ready to go to Hogwarts. And Hermione was trying not to cry thinking she wouldn't see her every day. Thinking her baby was growing up and would soon leave her for real. Thinking of Bella, of all the moments she missed with her baby, of all the times she should have been there, with both of them, with pride and love tears on her eyes.

Bella would have loved Delfi so much. She was just like her' black, curly hair, big black eyes, fair skin. When she frowned and sticked out her tongue she resembled her birth mom so much Hermione found herself ready to call her "Bella". She would find her bitting her nails while reading, fascinating by fire, having interest in sports and hating whiny people, just like Bellatrix did. She loved chocolate too, always begging her mum to buy her some and throwing her biggest temper tantrums if she didn't in a couple days. And now, that she was ready to go to Hogwarts, Delfy had admitted she secretly hoped she would be placed in Slytherin.

Hermiome made crepes for breakfast. "Clocolate and biscuit darling?" she asked her excited daughter, who giggled. "Of course mum. What else?"


	9. Holding hands

**Holding hands**

 **WARNING: CONTAINS MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS AND SELF** **HARM**

When our hand are holding I feel your skin rubbing against mine. I feel your hard, long fingernails, the lines on your skin, the scars. I have memorized every little scar. When I sense a new one I always ask you when it's coming from to make sure nobody hurt you. Not even you. The paches of hard, burned, beaten skin against the soft ones. I feel your knuckles cracking and your fingers twiching. If I concentrate hard enough I can even sense the blood running through your vains.

When we're holding hands I can guess every little thing you're feeling. Your firm hold means determination, your hand shaking fear. When you try to scratch your palm I know you're hurting and trying to battle the emotional pain with physical one, as I know I must never let you do that. Then I hug you and wishper that everything will be ok, that I love you, that I always will. That you can't hide from the pain anymore, but you have to fight and better through it. A sweaty palm interprets itself in anxiety and a still one in shock. Sometimes you squeeze my hand so much you unwillingly cause me pain' these times are the best actually. These are the times you are happy.

When I hold your hand I connect with you. I can see a piece of you more vunerable than the parts you usually show me. I feel the electricity of our fingers intertwined. The tenderness of your thump stroking my hand. The tease of our arms touching and then distance again. The love running through your body, finding shelter in my heart.

When I hold your hand I feel safe. I feel at home.

Because when I hold you I hold the entire world.


	10. Dangerous girl

**Dangerous girl**

 **WARNING: CONTAINS MENTIONS OF MENTAL** **ILLNESS**

I run. My blood pounding in my veins. My hearts beating so hard it could fall off my chest. My head is reaped apart from the voices giving me mixed orders, confusing me, making me ill. The voices aren't real, I try to tell myself. You know they aren't. You know it since the age of ten, when they started screaming in your head, when they started ruining what could have been your life.

I'm still running. My feet blister and bleed, my face covered in sweat, my chest hurting, desperately asking for air. I can't breathe, yet I still run. My inability to breathe now is a temporary state' if they catch me it will become a constant reality.

I don't know who "they" are. I just know I am in danger. I know they want to kill me. I know I have to keep running.

Suddenly I trip and fall. I taste the metallic taste of my own blood as it runs across my cheek. That's it. They are going to kill me.

I close my eyes...

And when I open them in lying in a bed that somehow seems known, feels safe. Some kind of magic, is my first thought. They make me feel safe to reveal everything I know.

What do I know? I don't remember. I just know I must not tell the young woman with the considerate face standing above me. Or I'm gonna get in big trouble.

"Bella?" she asks me, her voice full of love and care. "Are you alright hun?"

Who is this impertinent little girl calling me by my first name? I only know two things about her: she is honest. She really loves and she really cares. But I should never tell her.

Tell her What? I still don't remember.

"Baby? Are you alright? Answer, you're making me worry!" she looks at the verge of tears.

Hermione. Hermione Granger. Mudblood - no, muggle born, I correct myself, partner, wife to be.

Then why on earth should I hide from her?

I see her pull out her wand and, for a brief moment, I panic she will hex me. But she just enchants a little wooden box. I'm almost calm until i remember:in this box lies my treasure, my secret. And she's ready to take it from me.

What the hell am I hiding from the love of my life?

She sighs and looks at me. I expect the storm.

"Bellatrix."

Calm but dangerous voice, fierce eyes, serious face.

"Why haven't you been taking your meds the last four days?" she asks, waiting for an answer.

Oh. That's what I was hiding.

"The give me headaches." I wishper, curling into a ball on her leg.

"Bella..." she starts talking, but soon decides to leave it. "Take one of your meds now and tomorrow we'll call the healer. And have a good chat." she adds, in a bitter tone.

"Sorry" I whisper in my most quiet voice, but she hears it.

"It's ok... for now. We will talk tomorrow." she doesn't wait for an answer, she just gets up and goes to the kitchen.

"Here we go." she murmures, giving me one pill and a glass of water. "Sleep now. Goodnight beautiful" she says, stroking my hair as she tucks me into bed.

"Night night" I wishper. I'm still scared, so i hold her hand for comfort.

I fall asleep in seconds.


	11. How do you say goodbye?

**How do you say goodbye?**

"Do you have to go?" Bellatrix asked Hermione on the Kings Cross train station, with tearful eyes, not caring about the dozens sets of eyes staring at the unlikely couple.

"Yes, Bella." she answered, quietly, grabbing both of Bellatrix's hands. "I have to finish school, baby. You know how much I love knowlegde, how much I love exploring new areas of magic. I can't not finish school: I will never forgive myself if I quit now. Please, please, don't make this harder on me." she pleaded.

"Do you love those things more than you love me?" Bella asked, in a whiny, shaky voice.

"Honey, of course not!" the brunnete reassured her. "I love nothing more than I love you! But... I want that too. And I'm not gonna lose you now that I'm leaving, am I?" she asked, with pleading eyes.

"You'll never lose me." Bella held her tight, close to her, like It was the last time she saw her. "I'm here. No matter what." she stroked her hair, tears she tried to hold falling down her cheeks and watering Hermione's blouse.

"I just... I hate that you're leaving." she continued. "I don't wanna have to owl you and only get to see your face at Hogsmeade trips. I want your fingers through my hair and your toes touching mine. I want our arms intertwined and our heads touching. I want your tongue through my body and your hand between my legs. I want to hear your voice and make you laugh. I want you. As a whole and not at some Scottish castle. I want you here, when I can touch you and make sure you're not just in my mind."

Hermione didn't reply, she just held her closer, inhaling her smell of cinnamon and chocolate. The loud voices in the ground make her look at the big clock on the station's wall.

"I have to go sweety, it's almost eleven." Hermione said, holding her tight once again before letting go. "Your meds are on the counter, there are written instructions on the dosage and the time you should take them right next to them. Narcissa will check on you. You need anything, you owl me. In case of an emergency you call Cissy and she'll notify me and take care of you until I'm back. Don't eat too much or too little. Drink water, stay away from booze, the doctor said so. Remember' you can't leave the house alone, I have installed all the magic wards and a muggle alert system. Oh, and..."

"Mione, it's fine. You already told me everything before we left." Bella reminded her, hiding a short giggle that soon faded away.

"I know. I'm just worried. Can I leave you alone? Will you be Ok?"

"I sure will."

Both women looked each other in the eye, trying to memorize the other's face since they wouldn't meet again for a long time. Bella leaned in and kissed Hermione, grabbing her hand and sqeezing it in hers until the train driver's whistle was heard.

"I'll miss you." Bella said, crying.

"I miss you already..." Hermione confessed, with her eyes full of tears now as well.

"At least the reunion sex will be good." the oldest witch wishpered, making Hermione smile trough her tears. They hugged one last time, leaving the younger just enough time to hop on the train and settle her suitcase.

The girl run to the window to wave at her love who stared at the train with a sad gaze. She waved at her until they turned, and she couldn't see her anymore. She sat at her seat with a sad smile.

"You'll see her again soon." Ginny tried to comfort her, caressing her arm.

"I just miss her so much." she replied, hiding her face in her hands.

"It's going to be fine. This year will be over soon. And Bellatrix will be ok, I promise. Harry will be sending healers regularly to check on her and Narcissa won't leave her alone, be sure about that."

"I know. I know." She stared through the fields outside of England. She is there somewhere, she thought, trying not to busrt into tears again. She will soon be back in my arms.


	12. Caring for you

**Caring for you**

 **WARNING: CONTAINS MENTION OF MENTAL** **ILLNESS**

Bellatrix was planning to get out of bed... well, never. It was a bad day and bad days should be spent in bad in her opinion. Actually, she had decided she'd make this law... if she ever managed to pull the covers off her and stand up.

Hermione tried. She came in the room every other minute, poking Bella's shoulder, stroking her hair, singing to get her to wake up. But she kept shrugging her off and murmuring incoherently, pretending to be asleep. She wasn't. She just didn't want to leave bed. She didn't want to face the world today.

The younger witch sat on the couch after four hours of trying. She felt equally angry and desperated. They had so much to do today: the fridge was empty, their little Delphi had the flu and kept whining for her mums' attention and Ginny's birthday party, which they were both invited to, took place in Burrow at 8. It was too much to do all by herself. It wasn't the first time Bella did that, but she hadn't since Delphi was born two months ago. It was much harder for Hermione now that she was a mum' she couldn't take care of everything by herself anymore. It was moments like this she feared when they moved in together. Delphi needed Bella, and so did Hermione. She felt her anger rising' how could she do that to her? Feel unwell when she needed her the most?

And staying in bed was one thing' what would she do If she had an outburst again? If she lost it and attacked her baby girl? Hypothetical scenarios filled her brain, making her sick in the stomach: Bella with a knife in one hand and a bottle of firewhiskey in the other, walking towards her' Bella passed out on the couch, with toddler Delphini trying to wake her up' their daughter lying in a pool of her own blood. She heard Belllatrix's insane laugh in her head' "how did i get caught in this?" She hid her head in her palms, trying not to scream, lost in her thought, and only a small, weak voice managed to retrieve her:

"Mione? When is Ginny's party?"

Hermione looked up to find Bella in one of her maternity dresses, which now was three sizes too big for her, her hair in a messy bun and lipstick smeared around her lips. She got up and hugged the woman, barely holding her tears.

"It's ok. We won't go. I'll call Narcissa to pick the baby up. I'll go buy us some ice cream and we'll lie in bed. Just... go and I'll be there in a minute. Ok?" she asked in a tender voice, her tears slipping down her cheeks.

Bella looked at her equally relieved and surprised, but didn't ask anything' she never talked much in such a state. Hermione took care of everything and then got in bed next to her, cuddling her head and caressing her arm, and it was the only thing they both needed at this moment.

They'd make it work out after all. Even if that meant Narcissa wouldn't have a moment of peace left.


	13. Left behind

**Left behind**

She was beaming with enthusiasm as they approached the train station' she was finally returning to Hogwarts, to complete her 7th year, and it felt like a dream come true. The more she walked her steps became faster, her smile wider, you could almost feel her joy when you were standing next to her.

Almost.

Bellla had spent weeks trying to contract her excitement, to feel happy about her girlfriend fulfilling her wish. She told herself that Hermione's happiness should be all she wanted and wished for, that she and her fellow Death Eaters were responsible her graduation was delayed one year, that she should feel grateful for the fact Hermione would only leave for a year and wasn't gone for good to her stupid ideals and principals. She tried to convince herself she would be fine without her' she was Bellatrix Black for fucks sake, she hadn't needed anyone for decades, she wasn't depended to an eighteen year old! But now, as the train station appeared from around the corner, she had to admit it, at least to herself: her stomach was aching and her eyes were swelling up in tears, and the only reason was the persistent thought of an entire lonely year, of the lack of Hermione's now familiar, comforting presence.

She'd miss her. She already did. She missed her so much her heart ached.

She almost didn't understand how they reached platform nine and three quarters' Hermione had dragged her through the wall. She took a deep breath and forced a fake half-smile, as she encouraged her lover to go catch up with her peers. But the girl, instead of taking off, cupped Bella's face with her hands and looked her straight in the eyes.

"What is with you today?" her voice was full of concern. "You almost haven't said a word since we woke up, and it's only getting worse as time passes. You know you can tell me anything, right? I'd hate it if i left and found out you'd been hiding something from me."

"I'm not hiding anything!" Bella protested, taking a few steps back.

"Then what is it?"

Bella looked at her partner's face: it was that look again. When Hermiome got angry she wore a stern, cold face that intimidated even her, the most fearless amongst the Death Eaters and Dark Lord's right hand. She swallowed' she'd tell her the truth. She knew she couldn't hide from her anyway.

"Do you really have to go?" Bellatrix hated how small, how pathetic her voice sounded' that was only the second time in her life she was left behind, and the first one didn't end up very well. She dreaded losing her girlfriend the way she had lost her sister when she decided it was time she moved on and left her family behind. But this time it was different. This time it was even worse.

This time Hermione was all she had.

"I want to." she murmured, avoiding Bella's gaze.

"I... i'm just going to miss you so much." her voice was so low, the girl could pretent she didn't hear her.

"I'm gonna miss you too." she wishpered back, and Bella felt something warm rolling down her cheeks. A part of her wanted the earth to open up and swallow her whole (the most capable dark witch of her generation, weapping in front of a bunch of kids and parents like a five year old?) but, surprisingly, the better part of her didn't care. Hermione's absence, even though she wasn't gone yet, was the only thought her mind could focus on, and it made her want to collapse and scream on top of her lungs, no matter who witnessed her.

"Hey, come here you!" Hermione, even though she was equally surprised with Bella's outburst, wrapped her arms around her waist. "I'm not leaving you forever, you know that, right? In a few months i will be back, for forever this time."

"It seems so far away!" now she was trembling against the younger woman's body.

"It's not that distant." she smiled. "And, in the meantime, you'll see me as much as possible. I'll come back at holidays, and you can come to Hogsmeade with Narcissa at the weekends..."

"It's not enough." she sobbed.

"We'll make it enough. I'd do anything to make you miss me less."

"Then stay..." she spoke without thinking, amd froze when Hermione pulled out of the hug and stared at her.

"I can't stay. I'm leaving, because that's what i need to do right now."

"What about me?" Bella pouted. "What about what i need?"

"What do you need Bella?" Hermionne's face was dead serious now.

"You" she just said.

"Then you have to let me go. Because i would never be able to stay here with you knowing you made me sacrifice my dreams."

Bella thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "I'm sorry i was selfish." she muttered.

"I'm sorry i have to leave." the girl answered.

"Come here." Bella pulled her into a hug again, enhaling the smell of shampoo and perfume of her hair. "Have a beautiful, beautiful year and don't think about me too much, just... don't forget me either, ok?"

"How could i forget you?" the muggleborn giggled softly as Bella leaned in to kiss her. As their lips touched a loud noise shifted the platform's atmosphere' the kids, who were until now hanging with friends of clinging to their parents, rushed up the train, yelling their last goodbyes. Hermione gave Bella a small kiss before running off with a smile on her face' the older wotch smiled too as she watched her.

She kept smiling as she left the platform 9 and 3/4, ignoring the wishpers and comments all around her. She felt a void in her hear, but also a warmth in her chest at the thought Hermione still loved her and would be back soon.

She still felt left behind' but maybe, she thought, things aren't so bad back here if you're waiting for someone to return.


End file.
